It doesn’t matter whether a divorce was amicable. People never get married with the intention to get divorced. No matter who you are, it can be a bit of a challenge to find love after getting out of relationship where you had both promised each other a happily ever after.
It can especially be challenging if you’re a Black woman. You see, we’ve been told that the statistics don’t lean in our favor. Couple that with negative stereotypes aimed at Black woman and you’re bound to give up on dating altogether. But, should you really give up? Is there no hope of finding love as a divorced Black woman?
Well, only if you believe it and choose not to do anything about it. The first thing about finding love again after a divorce is that you will need courage. It’s essential to the grieving process. You have to allow yourself to feel your loss and acknowledge that even if there were some good times in it, there’s a reason why you ended up divorced.
The ability to grieve will also help you learn how to let go of your past relationship. Once you do this, you can also put your needs first and take care of yourself. Granted, starting over will also require you to have courage because at some point, you’ll want to love someone again. All this will bring you into a new dimension and realization- maybe it’s also time to have the courage to cast your net wider.
Simply put, you will require the courage to date outside your race if that’s what you want. The truth is that most people are just average human beings if they’re willing to love you and you can look past their race. They’ve probably also got financial problems they want to resolve, childhood baggage they can’t seem to get rid of, or sexual issues they would be too embarrassed to admit.
One other thing that you have to embrace is self-love. Here’s the thing- as Black women, we’re socialized to believe that it’s up to us to attract men. Once they’re attracted to us and they love us, then that’s it and we should be happy and do all we can to ensure he stays because we were lucky enough the first time, and if we let them go, we’ll never find love again.
The truth is that we’re so used to putting others first that we never quite figure out how to put ourselves first. Before you open yourself for love, learn what it means to put yourself first- this means you know how to set necessary and healthy boundaries around relationships, knowing what you want, and going after it. The more confident you are in yourself- the more attractive you look to others.