While Instagram might disagree, we don’t always feel sexy and desirable. Some days we feel like shit? We can’t get warm and are as far away from hot as a Detroit January morning. Black women especially have been stereotyped as sexual predators, especially after the pandemic; you’d think sex was all we wanted to do. But a good 80 percent of Black women, find the desire to be elusive at some time in life. Our sex drive is low and we can’t seem to figure it out. It’s normal; low sexual desire is often associated with many factors: social, mental, and biological.
It’s always important to first consider and then rule out physiology when thinking about the many things that can negatively impact a woman’s desire. This includes hormonal imbalances (i.e., thyroid hormone, reproductive hormones), high blood pressure, depression, etc. We are not doctors over here, what we are is a wealth of experience. Often a combination of these conditions can result in low sex drive to give yourself a break and take care of your physical and mental state first then keep reading to learn how to drive again.
Ginseng has many potential health benefits. Just a small, recent study concluded that ginseng outperformed the placebo to help combat sexual dysfunction in people using methadone.
A popular and expensive spice, saffron is often recommended as an aphrodisiac — and early research backs it up. In one study, women taking antidepressants saw a significant improvement in sexual arousal after taking saffron for 4 weeks.
Red wine is a widely recommended aphrodisiac. In addition to its other potential benefits, red wine may also improve sexual function, according to a 2009 study. However, it’s important to note that these findings were self-reported by small sample size. Plus, other studies suggest that consuming too much alcohol may have the reverse effect on libido, so moderation is key.
Believe it or not, apples may have a positive effect on female sex drive. One study found that women who consumed an apple a day reported a better sex life.
Socially, women play many roles that may interfere with the lover in us, such as wife, friend, mother, teacher and student. Depending on the woman’s age and stage of life, she can have many things on her mind. Sometimes, her mind is too cluttered to even recognize the desire that may be present. For others, it is simply not there. Watch a dirty movie because beneath the simmer and sumptuousness of a good sex scene. Sexually-charged films have a way of ushering in conversations around heftier topics like race, gender and, as a favorite of the genre, female sexuality in particular.
5“All the Queens Men”
The one-hour drama revolves around the life of Marilyn “Madam” DeVille (played by Eva Marcille). Madam swaggers as a fierce businesswoman who rules all in the lucrative male exotic nightclub industry. Madam is surrounded by a band of trusted employees who are down to make sure that Madam and her empire are successful.
6“Black Snake Moan”
PopCultArt rendition of Black Snake Moan Poster
After her lover (Justin Timberlake) leaves to serve in the military, Rae (Christina Ricci) gives in to her raging libido and leaps into a life of wild abandon. Lazarus (Samuel L. Jackson), a troubled bluesman, finds Rae beaten and left for dead. He takes her in and holds her captive in an attempt to help her find a cure for her affliction.
7“She’s Gotta Have It”
Beautiful Nola Darling (Tracy Camilla Johns) can’t decide what kind of man she wants to date, so she decides to date three at the same time. The first is Greer Childs (John Canada Terrell), a rich, handsome narcissist. Then there’s Jamie Overstreet (Tommy Redmond Hicks), a stable, overprotective alpha male. Finally, there’s Mars Blackmon (Spike Lee), a timid geek with a heart of gold. Unfortunately, while each suitor has his virtues, Darling just can’t seem to make up her mind.
For women, desire and arousal start in our biggest erogenous zone, the brain. Desire starts outside of the bedroom. She needs her lover to stimulate her mind, heart, and body. He does this in how he treats her. It is important that he shows her that he has her needs in mind.
8“Confessions of a Video Vixen” by Karrine Steffans
“Confessions of a Video Vixen” recounts Steffans’ life from her troubled girlhood living in poverty in St. Thomas, through abuse, drugs, rape and living as a teenage runaway who turns to stripping and hip hop modeling to support herself and, later, her young son.
9“Black Girls Must Die Exhausted: A Novel for Grown Ups” by Jayne Alllen
With the help of her best friends, the irreverent and headstrong Laila and Alexis, the mom jeans-wearing former “Sexy Lexi,” and the generational wisdom of her grandmother and the nonagenarian firebrand Ms. Gretchen, Tabby explores the reaches of modern medicine and tests the limits of her relationships, hoping to salvage the future she always dreamed of. But the fight is all consuming, demanding a steep price that forces an honest reckoning for nearly everyone in her life. As Tabby soon learns, her grandmother’s age-old adage just might still be true: Black girls must die exhausted.
Listen to This
It is well known that women are the “emotional ones.” While it is often considered a point of insult, her emotions can and do serve as strength. They can facilitate arousal. As a result of the ability to feel deeply, we can experience and express emotions passionately. These popular podcast allows us to have those conversations about desire and female issues preventing us from climaxing. Know that you’re not alone.
10“Bedroom Kandi” Podcast
11“Inner Hoe Uprising” Podcast
12Black Women Thriving Podcast
Taking for granted that women all have different appetites when it comes to sex, low sexual desire may be more of a concern for some women and less of a concern for others. Whatever you desire, be sure to fulfill the need.